Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my TV shows
so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although
that doesn’t seem to work. I definitely noticed your haircut last week,
but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And
since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice,
I decided not to comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have
gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag
was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed
$50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work.
So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have
the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t
get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know
if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem